


it doesn't mean anything

by wolfhorse



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, Lando is kinda the bad guy in this, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 06:29:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20925689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfhorse/pseuds/wolfhorse
Summary: He knows he can stop.  But he won’t.





	it doesn't mean anything

He realizes he’s fucked up, that he has plenty of other options, that he doesn’t have to do this to himself anymore. At the same time, he feels he’s in too deep. The feelings have been there too long, keeping his heart centered on one person for years now. He can’t even bear to look at anyone else at this point.

There are times where he thinks that he’s done. When Lando glances at his phone and tells him he has to go, when he sees a post on Instagram (and he should really just stop looking because it only ends up hurting him), or when he spots them sharing a chaste kiss behind the motorhomes. It kills him inside.

But it’s moments like these that he savors: the sound of skin slapping against skin, how nails dig into his shoulder blades when he angles deeper, the way Lando’s eyes flutter shut and he gasps as his climax races through him. He breathes it in, keeps his eyes open, because if he shuts them he’s afraid it’ll all go away in an instant. He knows that in just a short time, Lando will disappear from his bed, leaving him cold and alone.

It all has to end.

He wonders if Carlos knows. He has to, right? There is no way he doesn’t notice the bruises, the love bites, the way Lando occasionally walks with a limp. And Dan must have told Nico, who probably told Carlos, and God knows Lando doesn’t have the decency to talk about it. The Briton refuses to talk about this, what the hell they’re doing, and why he does it. Just submits to Max, allows the Dutchman to hurt him, use him. Maybe Carlos doesn’t give him what he needs. Maybe that’s why he always seems to show up at his door, needy and trusting. He shouldn’t think about it.

They fuck like professionals. As if that’s their day job, rather than racing. Lando was sin in physical form, a walking aphrodisiac. They did things behind closed doors that Max had never even told Dan, let alone let himself think about. He remembers a time when the younger man was afraid, inexperienced, staring up at Max with wide eyes. Then he’d adjusted, opened himself up to more, spread his legs eagerly when Max shoved him against a wall.

But he never stayed.

“I love him,” Lando had claimed one night.

“Then why do you do this?”

The boy hadn’t replied. Instead, he changed the subject, climbing down between Max’s legs and sucking him off like the whore he was—or at least pretended to be. Despite how hot the scene had been, the way Lando’s mouth was stretched over his cock, he’d still remained angry and confused. He’d thought about it for days afterward. They don’t talk about Carlos anymore.

Max snaps his hips forward, burying himself deep inside Lando as his orgasm rips through him. Lando cries out from the sudden fullness. “Fuck, Max,” he breathes. They lock gazes and it’s as if his eyes are looking into Max’s soul. They share a kiss before Max gingerly slips out of him, staring down at the obscene mess they’ve made. He’ll have to call the maids before he goes to bed; there’s no way he’ll get any rest without clean sheets. Fuck, had he brought any notes for hush money?

They bathe each other in the shower. It’s one of his least favorite moments; he knows that after this, Lando will disappear to return to his boyfriend. He tries to drag it out a bit longer when they’re dressed and Lando is about to leave, wrapping his arms around the Briton tightly and burying his face into his neck. It’s so intimate—not that the sex they have isn’t—but it’s filled with more emotion than usual. “Don’t go,” he whispers. He’s never this vulnerable. He knows his place, has since they started whatever they’ve been doing. Carlos would fight him tooth and nail for Lando. Max would lose.

Lando kisses him deeper than he normally does. _It doesn’t mean anything._ “I’m sorry.” It’s not the first time he’s said it, and it won’t be the last. “I have to go.” They separate, Lando hesitating once he reaches the door. He looks back one last time, and Max swears there are tears in his eyes. “I’ll see you later?”

Max thinks twice about his answer. Smiles finally, despite himself. “Yeah.”

It will never end.


End file.
